Gryphons or Warriors?

By Zach X. ’21

Time to settle the debate. After witnessing two of the greatest teams in the history of basketball, the 2015-16 Warriors and the 2019-20 CSUS Gryphons, I know that I can confidently make an accurate comparison of these two teams. The CSUS Gryphons, led by the esteemed Ned Diamond, finished with a record of 9-16, only losing when their star player, Jake Gutierrez, was unable to play due to his back injury from “carrying the team.” They may have lost 26-83 to Sacred Heart Preparatory, but it was just an off night for the Gryphons, a rare occasion for such an exceptional team. 

Screen Shot 2020-02-29 at 3.03.16 PM.png

On the other hand, the Warriors, led by Steve Kerr, went on a historical 73-9 run in 2015, beating out the 1996-97 Chicago Bulls’ record of 72-10. However, despite this impressive run, the Warriors lost a 3-1 lead to the Cleveland Cavaliers in the Finals. Despite having a phenomenal season, the Warriors just couldn’t get the job done in the postseason. After losing Game 7, Draymond Green had some choice words on social media for Lebron James.

Screen Shot 2020-02-29 at 3.03.23 PM.png

However, I must give credit where credit is due; they had one of the most dominant seasons in the history of the NBA.

Off the court, however, the CSUS Gryphons have a far better record. Warriors players such as Klay Thompson, Draymond Green, and Stephen Curry have all created tons of controversy surrounding their personal lives. “China Klay” has been seen in memes worldwide, claiming that he “hits threes on and off the court,” but he didn’t hit his rock bottom until he signed with the Chinese company Anta, a shoe company which no one has ever heard of. As for Draymond Green, he is lovingly known as “Donkey from Shrek,” as he bears a close resemblance to the Equus asinus. He also loves kicking people in sensitive areas. Lastly, Stephen Curry has been surrounded by controversy since his wife, Ayesha Curry, claimed that she was not receiving enough attention, and that Steph was constantly getting hit on, making her uncomfortable. Critics have come out saying that this is Steph’s fault, as he needs to be “more annoying and more hateable.”

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On the other hand, the CSUS Gryphons have a rich history of being extremely compassionate to people in need. Wilson Conn, the team’s star Small Forward, has been known to volunteer at homeless shelters on the weekends. One particular story stands out, however. One day after coming home from a tough loss to Pinewood, he stopped by Burger King to pick up his normal postgame burger. After coming out of the store, he saw a homeless boy sitting out in front. Knowing who Wilson was, the boy asked for a picture with him, but seeing that the boy clearly needed some food, Wilson decided to give his burger to the kid instead. He told the kid, “Just like this Burger King, you will be a king one day. But instead of being the king of burgers, you’ll be the king of basketball.” That kid grew up to become none other than Zion Williamson.

So, with all that said, let’s settle the debate. Here is a comparison of the starting five from each team. 

POINT GUARDS

Stephen Curry

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Aaron Byrd

Screen Shot 2020-02-29 at 3.03.52 PM.png

  • Pros
    • 2x MVP
    • Is friends with Andrew Bogut
    • Can shoot
    • Knows how to dance
  • Cons
    • Does not help make school play sets
    • Can’t play defense
    • Chokes
    • Constantly gets injured
    • Can’t use his hand

-1

  • Pros
    • Helps make school play sets
    • Is friends with Andrew Sullivan
    • Can play defense
    • Knows CPR
    • Knows to wear a helmet so he doesn’t get injured
    • Clearly can use both of his hands
  • Cons
    • Does not have 2 MVP’s
    • Not great at shooting
    • Dancing?

+3

 

SHOOTING GUARDS

 

Klay Thompson

Screen Shot 2020-02-29 at 3.03.58 PM.png

Randy Wheadon

Screen Shot 2020-02-29 at 3.04.04 PM.png

  • Pros
    • Has a beard
    • Scored 60 points
    • Does not take sandwiches
    • Does not wear leg sleeves
    • Might have watched Frozen 2
    • Seems chill
  • Cons
    • Dribbling?
    • “China Klay”
    • Non existent vertical
    • Did not used to play soccer
    • Has had a goatee before

0

  • Pros
    • Can dribble the ball
    • “Jai Desh”
    • Can get off the ground
    • Used to play soccer
    • Has never had a goatee
    • Great at mobile games
  • Cons
    • Does not have a beard
    • Has not scored 60 points
    • Takes sandwiches
    • Wears leg sleeve only on one leg
    • Has not watched Frozen 2

0

 

SMALL FORWARDS

 

Harrison Barnes

Screen Shot 2020-02-29 at 3.04.11 PM.png

Jake Gutierrez

Screen Shot 2020-02-29 at 3.04.15 PM.png

  • Pros
    • Does not frequently say “hotboyz”
    • Didn’t go to Duke
    • Probably says “bless you” when someone sneezes
  • Cons
    • Got traded mid-game
    • Is on the Kings

+1

  • Pros
    • Tri athlete
    • Is related to someone who was born on April 20, 1969
    • Didn’t go to Duke
    • Is not on the Sacramento Kings
  • Cons
    • Likes to say “hotboyz” too much
    • Didn’t say “bless you” after I sneezed during practice

+2

 

POWER FORWARDS

 

Draymond Green

Screen Shot 2020-02-29 at 3.04.20 PM.png

Wilson Conn

Screen Shot 2020-02-29 at 3.04.25 PM.png

  • Pros
    • Has 3.4 million followers on Instagram
    • Doesn’t play for the Kings
  • Cons
    • Likes to kick people
    • Looks like Donkey from Shrek
    • Is not sponsored by Apple
    • Does not have his own shoe
    • Has probably seen Cats

-3

  • Pros
    • Only kicks out his leg when striking a pose for Vidigami
    • Does not look like Donkey from Shrek
    • Is my editor so I need to make him look good
    • Funny
    • Charming
    • Great dude
  • Cons
    • Hasn’t met NBA Commissioner Adam Silver in person before
    • Has never been drafted 1st overall in NBA 2k20

+6

 

CENTER

 

Andrew Bogut

Screen Shot 2020-02-29 at 3.04.30 PM.png

Andrew Sullivan

Screen Shot 2020-02-29 at 3.04.34 PM.png

  • Pros
    • Is Australian
    • Has never played for the Kings
    • Isn’t as tall as Yao Ming
  • Cons
    • Disgusting first name
    • Probably likes pineapple on pizza
    • Has never met Jake Gutierrez
    • Is not a second semester senior
    • Probably plays Boom Beach

-2

  • Pros
    • Great first name
    • Is a second semester senior
    • Good at Clash of Clans
    • Carried my Stats Project
    • Likes hot dogs
  • Cons
    • Is dressed in a hot dog costume
    • Never helps me get the ball when I miss a shot and it rolls towards him
    • There’s no relish on his hot dog
    • Won’t let me join his minecraft server

+1

 

Clearly, the CSUS Gryphons’ starting lineup is superior to the 2015- 16 Warriors’ lineup. Considering this along with the fact that they are better off the court, the 2019- 20 CSUS Gryphons is most definitely the better team. They will be forever remembered as one of the greatest high school basketball teams Hillsborough has ever seen.

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