The Gryphon Gazette

By: Chris L. (’17)

How do you do?

My name is Chris L., and I ran to be the senator of Crystal Springs. I was the Republican nominee, and I was a beacon of freedom. I lost to my democratic adversary, Brandon C.. The crushing defeat has certainly hit me in the depths of my soul. I cannot comprehend that our fine populace did not vote for Freedom. I spent night after night musing upon the possibility that this election was rigged. Yet, I must accept what the numbers say, no matter how fraudulent they appear. Sometimes the winds of fate blow in the favor of the undeserving, so I humbly accept my defeat. I know that I’m the man who could reinvigorate our freedom––our country––but I digress. Congratulations Brandon.

Republicanism, in this political landscape, was a bold and unforgiving decision. California in recent years has been notoriously democratic, hence I had my work cut out for me before I even began my rigorous campaign. The Bay Area is the home of the modern liberal; thus, a republican enters the race already around 52 votes behind (Yes I lost by 52 votes). I earned my votes. I am not saying I was a hero by earning the votes I did, but as a great man* once said, “not all heroes wear capes.”

Social Media will be my greatest regret. Social Media was our campaign’s greatest miscalculation. We decided to take the stance of, “No Social Media” in the beginning of our campaign. It was intended to be a humorous strategy. Our motto was, “We don’t want likes, we want freedom.” Perhaps the slogan and the strategy were truly funny, perhaps they weren’t. We had no way of telling- they weren’t on social media. There are no accessible polling numbers that can illustrate the impact of social media, but we could feel it. The second we made that fateful instagram account, we could see the difference. Scores of jovial freshman would tell us how funny our intro ad was; even a junior or two pulled themselves from their tedious monotony to tell us that our intro ad had brightened their day. Social Media changed the election. Our humor was no longer just a myth in the cafeteria–it was at the fingertips of the populace. Social Media is a tool that cannot be questioned. A candidate can have the best platforms, the best pictures, the funniest ad, but if their social media is poor, non-existent, or mutinous (as we saw this year) they will not win the election. Social Media is the great equalizer. A mixture of social media and humor-with a dash of intelligence-is the way to reach the modern teenager; human interaction can only take a candidate so far in these trying times. We could not stop the Chu Chu train.

Had we been allowed to have a head-to-head debate I would be our school’s senator. Watch the tapes. I owned debate day. Brandon misspoke, and he appeared nervous. Brandon claimed in that very debate that the minimum wage should be 15 dollars a year. Now he may have misspoken, but this election also may have been rigged. There are too many ‘may haves’ to make a definitive statement on the issue. What I do know for certain is that Brandon would be no match for my intensity and my grit. I would not have just won the debate, I would have dominated it. Our audience would have witnessed first hand the derailing of the Chu campaign.

Attack ads would have turned the tide of the election in my favor. Again, the man of freedom stood alone staring upon the dark cloud of ‘the system.’ The election did not allow attack ads. Clearly, this injured me. There are so many dastardly rhymes to be made out of the name, “Chu”––too many to even list within this letter.

Brandon beat me. He only won, however, because lady luck decided to dance with the devil when the light needed her most. The light of freedom has been momentarily quelled, but it will not stay that way.

*I said that